More Automotive Atrocities

Why even bother extracting the metal from the ground, refining it and then working on it if this is what your going to do to it?



Another Ray Charles design classic right here.

Homo Erotic Bagpiping

A`telling little look and a cheeky wink in the eye of a faux Scotsman...



Sometimes pictures speak for themselves. Everyone I meet is Scottish, no one is Canadian apparently, especially no this pair.

Those are skirts lads and please, for fuck sake, get a room together and keep that wee display out of the public eye...

Do The Sleeve Sneeze

Since common sense isn't so common and sense of any kind is at a premium on this continent, posters like this abound.

Fuck Knows

Automotive Atrocities

look at the state of that hideous monstrosity. The salesmen must be shit hot here to flog these ridiculous wastes of metal. Honest to fuck, every car manufacturer on this continent must have employed Stevie Wonder as a car styling consultant with David Blunkett & Ray Charles designing the final, unpolished product.

My daughter could design better than that and she has can't even walk yet.

Snow Fair

On a scale of 1 to 10 I'd give snowboarding 8. It's good, just a pity that I've not mastered the heel control thing or graceful dismount of the chair lift; the only 360 degree spins I managed was falling on my crack off the chair lift after a rather gay looking tumble.

Slick.



Mission Ridge, where we went snowboarding is weird. You go down into a valley, not up to the mountains. My colleague (above) spent as much time as myself on his rump, so that made me feel better that he had been snowboarding before and yesterday was my 1st time.



Big hill, nae bother, right down there, nae problems. Didn't even go on my arse once. Fell on my head a few times though. Not the best fun I've had.



Not ideal if you have vertigo. Brilliant for suicide though since you can lift the safety bar.



Finally the money shot.


Finally the mongoloid shot.

Snowboarding was good, more practice required so I don't look like such a fanny, skidding down a big hill on my arse with the board up in the air and not on the snow.

Slick.

Ice Barred

Dave, Michael, Duncan and behind the bar is the proprietor.



Ice balls with things in them. They don't taste as nice as they look.



$5.00 for charity for vodka. Whose charity I'm no sure about...



There was no Heineken, but plenty of erect nipples.


Nice place, but certain comments to certain bar staff may have got me barred. I'm typically unrepentant.

Longer, Harder and More Discrete

I think there are loads of sexually unsatisfied Canadians out there. I tried watching Star Trek: Nemesis and every fucking 5 minutes I have some irritating second rate Alex Baldwin look-a-like prick telling me I could be everything my bird tells me I am anyway, selling this shite:


He's sitting there with his wife and she's saying how they got that magic back in their relationship. I wonder how this list of ingredients:

Ingredients

Folate (Folic Acid) 400 mcg

Zinc (as Zinc Oxide) 25mcg

Micronized DHEA (dehydroepiandrosterone) 50 mg

Pregnenolone (3B-hydroxypregn-5-en-10-one) 10 mg

Extenze Bio-Enhancement Support 25 mg:

Black Pepper (seed)

Piper longum (seed)

Ginger (root)

ExtenZe Sexual Response Ehnhancement Support 600 mg:

Yohimbe Extract (bark) Provides 12.5mg Yohimbe alkaloids

Tribulus terrestris Extract (aerial part and fruit) Provides 50 mg furansterol

Korean Ginseng Extract (root) Standardized to 10% gensenosides

Cridium Monnier (sic) (seed) (probably Cnidium)

Eleutherococcus Extract (root) Standardized to .8% eleuthrosides

Xanthroparmelia scarbosa (sic) (aerial part) (possibly Xanthoparmelia Scabrosa)

Gamma-Aminobutyric Acid - GABA

Velvet Deer Antler

Horny Goat Weed (leaf)

Damiana (leaf)

Muira puama Extract (Stem)

Pumpkin (Seed)

Stinging Nettle (Root)

Astragalus (Root)

Licorice Extract (Root)

L-Arginine Hydrochloride

Ho shou wu Extract (Root),

Hops (Strobile) Extract (Blossom),

Boron (As Chelate)

Could make your cock 27% longer and ignite that spark back into your relationship. How dull do you have to be not to realise that 27% of my cock isn't the equivalent of someone else's? So whilst you're contemplating how you can get your hands on these, there are Viagra ads a plenty to look forward to. All with a very extensive list of side effects at the end of the ad might I point out. And if that doesn't put you off then the warning for the adverts for anti-depressants, "may cause suicidal thoughts and constipation" should be enough to let you know how fucked in the head people on this continent are.

The next infomercial:

Should really hammer it home what bollocks advertising is here.

Incidentally look up ExtenZe on You tube for a further idea of what bollocks is on the TV here every 3 seconds.

I'll no moan about Sky anytime soon.

9000 Reviews Canadian Toilets

Generally the bowls are too low to the ground, filled with too much water (prior to use), the flushes are too aggressive and the toilet seats really just aren't where you want to spend half an hour typing up a blog.

4/10; a full two points more than I award Canadian TV and it's Aboriginal Achiever Award Show.

Drink Canada Dry

Far be it from me to follow prescribed advice.

Well losers, I have to confess that the blogging malaise is down to laziness, being busy and generally just not really having much to type about; I've really been doing a lot of my moaning outside of this electronic soapbox/forum.

Anyway, I'm in Canada working for a few weeks. It is currently -40 deg C. This type of weather really isn't funny. What kind of person settles in a place that is so cold you swear your snotters become frozen treats instead of the usual fresh fayre?

That aside, Canadian people by and large seem nice. Stay tuned for 9000's impartial review of Regina which I know you are all quite frankly on the edge of your seats waiting for, with a small yet vocal cross section of you having trouser incidents during this nail biting build up period.

Anyway, check yersel before ye wreck yersel cos -40 deg C is bad for yer health.

Word tae yer maw.

Chop Chop!

Stage 1 in my preparations to become Chopper; the tasche! Now for some just for men liberally applied, a really ugly shirt and for Dave to draw on the tatoos and I'll be ready. Halloween is less than 30 days away, so you chumps really should get your skates on if you want to Chopper it up big style.

Note the handle bar arrangement, very homoerotic. I should point out that certain members of the Chopper fan club haven't quite been equipped with all the necessary hormones to grow such a Chopperesque piece of facial hardware. My advice at this stage is to man the fuck up.

Tooooooooooooo bloody right mate

9000 Reviews Jim Davidson's Career

A complete fucking waste of time.

Renegades in this Atomic Age

I sometimes wonder why people can't see the world for what it is. Take America, for example, the most corrupt and confused nation in the world. Their own people see themselves as the liberators of a suppressed world because they leave school with the Founding Fathers words still ringing in their heads and they, by and large, do not question this. The Founding Fathers had an epic idea, one of the most beautiful in modern history, but it has become a warped and hideous social experiment that threatens everyone else they share the planet with.

There is an important turn of phrase; share the planet.

Every so often someone like Dr. Martin Luther King, Kier Hardie, Nelson Mandela or Ghandi come along and we flock to these people. What I don’t understand is that the world is such a fuckin awful place and people like this showed us the way out yet most us don’t see it.

I bet none of us (myself included) will or have done anything about the state of the world. Large corporations, corrupt governments (including our own) and many groups of people have conspired (unintentionally) to create this world we live in, a world where we give money to serial human rights abusers for oil, a world where we let the Americans bully everyone, a world where we let billions starve so we can have big fuck off weapons and other shite we neither need or want. I will include the LHC in this rant; €12 billion on a machine that may destroy the universe and ultimately may provide no benefits to mankind. Did you know if the Americans poured 8%, just 8% of their military budget into healthcare then everyone in that enormous country could enjoy free healthcare? I wonder how many weapons or advanced aircraft 8% buys.

So back to what I am ranting about, why the fuck do we let all of this go on? I personally know why I do nothing about it; I’m too wrapped up in my own shit, wading through great lakes of it everyday to do anything about it. Others divert their energies and indeed lives towards changing the world for the better. Renegades in this Atomic Age.

Maybe we should be more supportive of these people in future because it is not everyone who can do what they do.

What I don’t understand is why no one would want to do these things. Now more than ever I sometimes wonder why people can't see the world for what it is.

Barry Trotter and the Philospher's Scone

I never have enjoyed the Harry Potter movies. Thus far I have been out with 2 girls who were totally fascinated by the little speccy git and his wand and even with them trying their very best I was never able to discern what they actually liked about the movie or the books...

On the subject of Philosphy, has anyone got any experiences they care to report of Philosopher's Stone mushrooms? It could very well form part a new wee project I am planning...

Nothing else of note really. Slow week.